Dear friend,
I ran so many scenarios in my head
when I met you again.
I knew you sought me out. I was found.
How, at once, we are now closer
and further away from each other.
I apologize for not reaching out.
Though I know you know
despite long nights of silence,
I was always by your side.
I cannot explain why I chose this solitude.
It was the only constant thing in my life
long before this dreadful pandemic.
But please, know this: In my absence,
I did not love you less.
Sometimes I have the urge to speak
but my words fail. I mask the longing
by trying to do what’s right. I hold
my breath and count to five.
When it’s quiet enough,
I hear your sighs.
For many reasons, it will ruin us.
I do not know how and I’d rather not.
Yet, it is hard to know you must leave.
The truth is, I cherish every day I wake
to find you there. I’d gladly remain distant
if our invisible ties will never sever.
If today is all we’ll have, now is enough
to feel this joy. Though I wish
I could hold your hand and unwaste
the old privilege of a long embrace.
Relearn what’s at the end of a kiss.
If I could run my fingers
through your hair like the last time
the universe conspired—
But tonight, I am glad
you are here.
I look into your eyes
and breathe again.